In Memoriam- for our missed angels

A Mother’s Heart Speaks Volumes

Early morning hours bring
my daughter; again
to my bedside
complaining of sleeplessness

Her heart once again S H O U T I N G discomfort

Hours of her
in my bed, crying
tossing in, tossing out the racing moments

I am naked, helpless
her fragile body
begging me to make it stop
I offer prayer; soft arms
a tangible mom against the shadow

Fourteen this woman child
more beautiful than could hope to be
She-my youth incarnate-
my blissful fantasies

how can her diseased heat
escape its chamber,
beating on its walls
S H O U T I N G…

Tears collapse onto her shoulders
before sleep can steal a soft reprieve

Moments, months, hope, now fear…
I do not see her older
I will not share her first kiss
I will never hold my grandchildren
I will only share what she has told me-in company with that secret smile

Her laugh now stilled is heard by all that knew her
Her pain opened my eyes set flight to my selfish anxiety

Early morning hours deliver
Ane’s memory to my bedside
Now my weary heart escapes its chamber,
beating on its walls

S H O U T I N G …for all that it misses

© Elizabeth Stelling, 2002-

"I had put my writing on hold so many times during the fourteen years of her life. Her brother Aaron, she and I would draw and make up songs together, something she was very talented at herself. I have a few of her drawings left, a poem story we began together, but really in the end...all you have are the memories...now, I write about the journey for all of us who have endured the joys of loving CHD children. I would not have changed a thing". ~ Elizabeth